Satire, but actually not.
In a brave and historic journalistic move, NRK has finally solved one of our time’s greatest societal challenges. Norwegians do not know well enough how to do it the queer way.
That is why the public broadcaster has now released a complete, illustrated sex guide with artistic black-and-white nude photographs of real couples in positions such as The Buffet: All You Can Eat, Rimming: Kiss Me in the Arse, as well as Straight Up and Down… Hear What I Have to Say.
Document found it necessary to censor the most explicit parts of the images. It was a decision taken by the author of this article, who unfortunately cannot delete the images from his head. No need to thank me. It is my job to be your eyes.

Sources confirm that the project is financed by the same Norwegians who thought their licence fees would go to news, weather forecasts and documentaries, not state-produced instructional videos for scissoring and doggy style adapted for the same sex.
– When we saw that the schools were not teaching enough about queer sex, we knew that it was our duty as a publicly funded channel to step in, says an NRK spokesman who was also the photographer and an eager spectator.
– Pornography is everywhere, but where else do you get tasteful, psychologist-supported nude photographs of two men in the “all you can eat” position? asked the eager spokesman who is a big fan of buffets with multiple participants.
The large sex guide was launched in 2021, and the gay positions are part of 60 different positions in all kinds of situations, including for those who have bad knees. NRK, like an indulgent mother, feels obliged to remind readers: “Remember that you do not need to try all the positions.”
The nearly 100 complaints that came in in 2021, from people who whined that this is not NRK’s societal mission, and why is this on the front page? were dismissed as heteronormative homophobic reactionaries who hate art.
And in typical NRK style when they receive criticism, whether it is too much Islam, pornography for children or the party after the fast, they double down, just to give the finger to the taxpayers. Like defiant children who want to defy their parents.
So right now, right on the front page this weekend, we get this again. I hope that my 86-year-old mother skipped NRK today. She does not like this kind of thing.

Blum-Jansen is incidentally not particularly fond of gay venues being filled with large groups of heterosexual girls.
That was a new one. I would say: I understand, but deal with it. It is after all better than Islamists like Zaniar Matapour and Arfan Bhatti.
Insiders at NRK emphasise that the photographs are very artistic and taken from a distance, in black-and-white, without visible genitals.
Where they got the models from is unknown. Clowns for bread and circus are provided by the state channel.

Norwegians who complain should prepare themselves for even more sex next time. NRK has never listened to ordinary people on the street, and they never will.
At the time of writing, NRK is apparently working on exciting follow-ups about queer sex for pregnant penguins, forbidden queer sex during Ramadan and a children’s version about families with two mums who do the W position and standing mouthful.
– I look forward to it. Said none of us.